I love you man

From Drop Box

Life happens faster than I could ever imagine. I still remember the times when I would play with legos and spend the night at friends houses just so we could have the roughest pillow fights you've ever seen in your life. I was reminded of how good I had it before I actually moved. I had close friends and in lived in a small town, I knew everyone and everyone knew me. It's just how it was, happy times. I remember playing with my little action figures with my father during Christmas morning when I was 5. I remember the way he tought me how to make paper air planes. I remember the cruddy apartments we lived in before we actually moved to that small town I spoke of. When I was little, I was an out doorsy kid, I went to the river almost every day and had a blast. I skated, biked, walked and went everywhere. I had a meal every night waiting for me and my dad had a good stable job. I always got what I really wanted and when I didn't it was no sweat because I was happy with what I had. Sitting through detention was the slowest thing I've ever been through and now that I'm older I kind of wish I would have spent some more time enjoying what I once had.

The past couple of weeks have gone by so quickly that this is the first day I've actually sat and thought a lot of things through. I thought about what I've been through, the connections I've made and the friends that I've had. I had a very happy childhood, I didn't even notice how much I would miss it. My friend Levi is my best friend, we use to do everything together, then I left. I left him because I was afraid of what would become of me if I had stayed. I left him with all those fake and hollow people he called friends. When I left I think a part of him left too. After I was gone he just went out of control and then he really went out of my life. For about 2 years I didn't see my best friend, it made me adjust to the friends I was acquiring through high school but I never forgot him. I sent him some letters and I talked to him on the phone. I said hollow friends before because I was the only one who cared enough to contact him while he was in a boys home. Truthfully I was the only one his parents ever trusted. Me and Levi, were true brothers and I miss that.

Missing someone isn't easy or hard, it just feels like a piece of you is missing and every time you think about it you get a little sad. My best friend came back finally last year. Within that year though he did great things. He got out and did sports, got good grades and found a musical soulfull side of him that I never knew existed. We connected in new ways and we're still close, but we still never see each other, or call. Now he is in the same drug slump he was before he went to the boys home. I don't want to be his parents and yell at him for what he's doing, I also don't want to tell him what to do, but so far what I have told him is that I love him and that I don't agree with the decisions that he's made. I told him I was once proud of him, but now were drifting apart because he can't control his urges to be on top of any outcome, he's beginning to lose his head. I'm always there for him no matter what through anything, I've been there.

He almost died last week. For me to hear that scares the hell out of me, it stresses me to the core. I can't imagine life without him, he's my exact opposite yin and yang but we have so much in common at the same time. It sucks because there's nothing I can do besides be his friend and support him. I can give him advice that he will gradually listen too, but it's hard when you live this far away. I'm just afraid that I could actually lose my best friend. If I ever did it would surely effect me greater than any loss I have ever had before. I'd lose a part of me, half my memories are his and his are mine, they could be lost. The stories I tell have two sides and if you laughed at one, you've got to hear the other. Anyway my best friend has dropped out of high school and is now in the search for a job, a job in which I hope he finds. I've given him advice since we last spoke but I know it will falter under the pressure of the passers by who willingly share the drug. I miss my best friend man, I want the old days back where fixing bikes, skateboards and wrestling each other to the ground while his dad walks in and stares at us until we stop, when we do he then makes a very classic remark, “ dumb asses”.

Levi, I love you man.

it could be a lot worse.

From Drop Box

never realized it before but now i think i'm okay. between a new outlook and figuring out what to do I've realized that confidence is something you need to succeed. I went skating today and couldn't ollie off this 3 foot hill. I don't know why but i was just scared to land it. I brushed off my shoulders after about the 14th time trying i decided to go the opposite way, so i ollied up it instead. It was pretty fun but i realized i do a lot better when looking up and ahead rather than down and away.

Giving up...

From levi and I roadtrip pics

why...

Why you would bother to move forward if you knew you were going to move double the space back?

I don't get why you lied to yourself man.

I don't why you have to interrupt the system.

All you had to do was glide through and you'd be okay.

Instead you went from top to bottom a second time.

I was proud of you man, happy that you were finally on my level.

Then when you realized you had control you had to lose it all for the same stupid reason.

You just could keep your mouth shut, I'm no one to judge but man your like my favorite book.

I know you inside and out, from one argument to the next you could never agree.

I know for a fact that you hate the choices you make.

So why do you fake it to be with them?

You so called friends...

They were just fine when you didn't do shit.

They didn't judge you, In fact they worshiped you for crying out loud.

They hung out with you because they thought you were a great person, not because you had the constant love for drugs that they had.

They just wanted to be friends but they took it to the next level.

You agreed to put yourself below the bar man.

The first drink the first sip the first dip and you came out high on life.

What for? To live on your own and become miserable?

I don't get it man, your my best friend yet you don't call me for anything.

Not even to say hello, you don't talk to me unless you want something from me.

I'm always there though, no matter what.

I listen to what your saying and I hear your thoughts loud and clear.

So why the fuck do you want so badly to get away from here?

Specially this way, why did you have to chose this way?

You think your going to make it big?

I set you up with a radio station man, you never called me.

They were going to let you play for them man.

Instead I never heard another word.

If music is your passion like poetry is mine then you shall succeed.

But if you keep living like this you will become a deadbeat fool.

At the age of twenty-five you will become lost and hopeless and for what?

I was proud of you man, but you left the lead role to another part.

Instead you become guard one and I lead the part.

We were suppose to graduate this year man instead I can't share that with you.

Because of this I can say I've done more than you, I've earned more respect than you and now I'm smarter than you.

For you have no self control in that brain of yours.

Your a follow man, I wish you could follow me.

You don't belong with the people you hang with your better than that man.

I don't understand how you don't understand that it's all who you hang with that makes you, you.

If you hang with the right crowd you will become more like them, no matter what.

Drop outs, I don't understand you didn't even call.

I don't understand what the fuck made you drop the ball?

Was it that retarded aggression toward your parents oppression?

Or do you really think you can make your own home in this life alone?

Seriously in a repossession you think of hopping on trains and living the good life of being a bum.

You wish to eat creamed corn out of a can rather than live up to be a man.

In all truths, I was proud of you man but you let me down.

Your no better than you were before you left, your the same lost soul I wish to protect.

But I can't because we don't see eye to eye.

I understand you and you understand me but you don't understand yourself or the world that's fit to come.

Yeah, you can work for the rest of your life if you want to but I plan on being in retirement.

You'll get no where on drugs and if your lucky your family will take you back.

Just remember man I love you but you gotta pick up the slack.

You say you act like a man yet you can't stand being told what to do.

You say you have respect but what I see is nothing to be proud of.

You had us all going for awhile, until this.

I wish good luck and I will never say goodbye because your my best friend the least you could do is lie.

back to square one.

From Drop Box

My life looks so easy compared to those around me. So why does it seem like it's so hard.

I Wake up every day10 to 6 clocks fast.

I lean up, hit the snooze to make my night last.

I get up finally and debate upon breakfast before a shower.

I usually win.

By the time I get to class my life seems a little dumb down.

My mind seems a little bit slower than the day before it.

I listen to peoples problems and don't care about my own.

A hypocrite I have become.

Why? Because wanting to be something isn't enough .

I want to be a great person, one who influences people to do better.

Instead I yell with overbearing power while no one listens except me.

I can scream I can shout but nobody cares about seniority.

No respect because the words I speak are as common as flies.

Everybody's heard, it's the same thing over and over.

For me to scream at an individual for what I'm doing is disgusting.

Despicable, I am for being the hypocrite.

Disgusted at the way I try to prove myself.

I figure I should just stop, I don't know what drives me anymore.

By the time I get home I'm comforted by people who could care less and probably do.

No support backing me since I was 9.

I come home to an empty house filled with people.

Talk of nothingness and acts of shrewd justice..

It's like living alone knowing the life you have outside your home is the only life you enjoy.

No relaxation, no free time and when there is some I'm always doing something else.

Moving away wouldn't make much of a difference besides the fact that if I go down alone I'd have debt to pay.

Always negative, the principals my family has bestowed upon me.

Laziness, they never set good examples, I had to learn from spending the night friends.

I had to learn a lot and for what? To feel like this?

It's not right.

Nobody's right but anythings better than this.

I'm going to move away from here and not care what's behind me.

I'm going to be long gone so I can never speak to any of them.

So that they can never give my kids the negative thoughts they once gave me.

If they even live that long.

The laziness, death is a just outcome of this.

For if you don't care about yourself, how can you care about others.

Which is why, they don't care about me.

I'm alone when im at home, it's the most depressing place to me.

I wish I could be dedicated to something, I wish I could be a better person.

I wish I was never raised like this.

I see the smiles on peoples faces at school.

It brightens up my day.

To go back home, will always be the death of me as long as I pick up after these people.

I can no longer hide from my depression.

I know longer enjoy anything I use too, I do things because I'm told.

I can't delve into anything I use to enjoy.

I'm so sick of what I use to love to do and what I had a passion for.

It's like my spirit is gone.

In love, with love.

From Drop Box

It doesn't matter how strong you are.

How fast you become, or how far you've gone.

When your over something, you know your over it.

I'm not.

It's hard to say it, but I'm not.

When I look at her I still have the smallest of feelings coursing through my veins.

When we talk, I'm disgusted though as I've realized what she really is.

Something inside me that I want to just go away, wont.

I want it gone, I want no more of this weak feeling I have.

I never realized when I said, “she will always have a place in my heart”. That I really meant it.

When I see her or even think of her, the emotions that shroud me become unstable.

I can't help but have the tiniest part of me wonder what could have been.

Yes, I think about it some times, but it's truly over and I'm grateful.

I'm glad I'm no longer there in that position anymore.

I'm happy.

I don't miss her, I just miss what we had.

It's like bacon, everybody loves bacon, but why?

It's because of the meat to fat ratio.

Everyone loves bacon in the fact that well, they don't.

They love it because they love the thought of it.

The perfect meat to fat ratio, you think of it.

Love, it's a lot like bacon.

When it's over cooked, it's not so great.

But cooked perfectly, well, it's amazing.

Just depends on the cut.

Anyway what I mean is that I'm in love with the thought of being in love.

I want that again, not from the people in passed relationships but in someone else.

I want to find it again.

I miss that feeling.

Being in love with the thought of being in love sounds kind of well, “gay”.

I don't really care though, It's not my fault I feel like I'm the only guy on this planet who's ever actually wanted something to last.

What I've learned though, is that things don't last.

Nothing lasts forever.

It's sad but we all know it.

I just want to be there for some one who means a lot to me as much as I can.

It's the only way I can feel like I'm appreciated.

Yeah, when I help people I help my self esteem.

It's what makes the world go round, it's what makes my world go round.

I'm not over it yet.

I am in the way that if I was ever asked again I would say absolutely not.

It's just, it bothers me how much it still effects me.

It shouldn't effect me at all, but it does.

At least I'm not bat shit crazy, that's always a good thing.

I've learned though that it isn't wrong to pursue something you want to do.

Hell if I want it, I'll get it no matter the cost and if I don't, oh well, I can move on.

Put downs, Lifes frowns

From My Pictures

Also wrote this the same day as the one below it. Just feeling down i guess.

Cold sweat from a mundane life I'm not Liven.

Hurt thoughts speech impediments and harsh words given.

Put downs and hypocritical speeches, you all act the same just a bunch of leeches.

Grab what life gives, through the gib's that spatter.

From the dark days and lonely nights to downtown street fights.

Words used with the expression of anger and the fear of love.

Nothing deeper than a stab through the heart as it stops beating, where do i start it just keeps bleeding.

Fist in hand knuckles bruised through, bad advice and words, we've been used too.

Brought up to be thrown down, circles coursed anger found.

Blood, sweat, tears of an angry life, humble perseverance but stopped because of passport clearance.

You don't know who i am or we are but only when, and then we can move on with our lives to devise a plan and set a course, but of course life is cruel.

There will always be the bad days and crazed ways of the hurt people who hurt people.

For they will always be there to put you down, make you act like a clown so you may carry their burden upon your shoulders like boulders it just keeps fallen, weight unbearable life gets terrible.

Breathing stops lights flash, the bullet through the unbendable car crash.

Through suffering and pain, we all go through a life that is Mundane.

There's a greater way

From Drop Box

Wrote this today in school, i can't seem to get my mind of the life i could be living.

Clouds of smoke, tears of riddlin

Cold cut figures of stone, the mind infatuated uncared for, blind through the steps we take until you wait for the wake to drag you cross slap and pull you down, to beat you senseless beyond belief, I mean good grief, you never come out on top because every time you get there you stop. Though you must remember, you think I'm a catastrophe an instrument if you will, you wish only to play me until you get your fill, well guess what I've broken the cage and I'm out of your life living happily never looking back, no longer depressed but happy with some well deserved rest.No hate for you because I'm over it, there's nothing more to say I'm done, doors shut eyes wide open, outside of my own mind no longer blind so get out my way so i can seize the day.

Calling out.

From Drop Box

I felt really good today until a mood killer walked into my life again. This is my first writing in which im rapping. Hope you like it, it made me cry.

Life is cruel, hard and painful.

Living and breathing it's the only the I do right.

Waste of space in laced with distaste drawn backwards through the spiral stairs, falling, help me I can't breathe with out air, while shit is keeping me down, every time it happens I can't help but frown, can't help but be sad,can't remember when I was happy because my hole life's been crappy. From start to finish from end to beginning my soul diminishing. unhappy unhealthy ways development of depression stays unbelievable doubt and no common courtesy shut your face didn't you just hear me your a fucken disgrace in the eyes of the unknowing in the eyes of the glowing, those thousands of grains of the sand, hour glass of my life in my hand, smashed to pieces as my life decreases watching my life slip through my fingers, my spirit starts to linger ,no grip could hold me now written in stone “ nice guys finish last' and alone. The world starts to fall apart as my mind races through pushin carts across the high way and droppin out, it doesn't seem so bad but it's the doubt that seems so fad, the fake realistic part of life nobody wants to hear because it's so god damn unclear. with my eyes shut I can't see where I'm fallen but I see my life flash before my eyes, I see the stars through the skies image painted purple and blue with bright lights flashing in the distance with that, I look back, it's so beautiful just like you. Crack! Like that I hit the ground cryin, bloody mess diein legs unmovable arms out reaching for your face, love unprovable. Three, two, one, and just like that my life is done, damn this desire, lasts thoughts were I shoulda jumped higher. With my hand on your face my arm falls limp with the tears I embrace the sad and lonely thought that I could have, would have and should have done. My hand hits the cold rubble pulse gone and that lovable guy you called Casey never got to say in his own special way how much you meant to him. Another life gone and in the papers reads Suicide, no explanation why, only when. Heard on the news for about a day, we show case this man in a gruesome way, we tell you how he died and how his family is hurt, we only tell you 'cause you know you'll convert into the sad sap and caring person that only could ever worsen the mood of the family to convey there tears and use them for network ears to spread the word of a man named Casey and for about 45 minutes you hear of this story, then you go about your day and the world keeps spinning as lives keep beginning and every year we get a suicide death toll, what does that tell you about us America? The commercial home and land of the free with subliminal adds and people with fake doctorate degrees. We live in a hard cruel world where life will always move on, that is until, were all gone.

Can't help it.

From Drop Box

Taken for granted

Hard day hard life.

Have you ever taken anything for granted?

Have you ever been taken for granted?

Yes, no?

To express sadness and the desire to cry.

To express the happiness and laughter.

Only to be brought to one conclusion in the end.

Sadness can over rule your life when you sit alone.

Thoughts of ambiguity trace the outline of your character.

You don't know who to be and why.

You wish you weren't so down that you fake the existing happiness in your soul.

Leaving you is the sparkle in your eye.

You seem to become so color blind, Black and Grey.

You walk with your chin up in hopes of high hopes that you can regain your energy.

The second you put your head down you lose it all.

You fall to your knees and wonder why any of it happened.

Why the stress was so unbearable?

Why life had to take a turn for the worst even though it wasn't getting better.

You look in the mirror countless times and you no longer see you.

You stare deep into your eyes and you ask, "why?"

Nobody answers except you and even then you answer back, “I don't know”

Frustrated you walk out on yourself and stare at the ceiling while you lay on your bed.

Thoughts rampaging against the soft tissues of your skull.

You feel like your underwater and the pressure is starting to suffocate you.

The thoughts so uncontrollable you can't handle it anymore because your sinking.

You watch yourself sink to the bottom through the eyes you saw in the mirror.

You flashback to all the days that went wrong.

You wish you could stay strong but you can't.

You lean up and scream from the bottom of your lungs.

As the stress piles on, pages fall and notebooks are thrown, walls are beaten while doors are slammed.

The tears screaming down your face aren't from anger but frustration.

Frustration and guilt.

Why did that have to happen and why did it have to happen like that?

“What's my problem!” you say screaming still as your knees hit the ground fists in the air.

Clenched together are your right and left hands shaking at the world before you.

You fall over to your side and curl into ball against the wall safe and breathing.

Breathing hard and scared for your life from this incident you've bestowed upon yourself.

Tucking your head in, biting your lower lip and closing your eyes as hard as you can.

Nothing but darkness surrounds you in the silence of your breathing.

You can't help but every day after that to come home and want to cry.

You wait for it every day now and every day it never comes.

After that you begin to feel okay again, as the days pass through weekends of solitary zoning.

You start to see colors again and music fills your desire to be happy.

Friends welcome you back to reality.

After that you take your life into your own hands and say, “ Never again”

No more will you let these emotions triumph you.

You care for others and others care for you.

Truth be told we never left.

Depression,anxiety,Stress, Emotions, we've been there too.

If there's anything I can do please, let me talk to you.

A little something I call, Touching.

From Drop Box

Sword and Shield

You let your guard down.

As you did once before.

Sounds like he made you confused.

You'd felt like you'd been used.

Never again you told yourself.

"Never again" Said the shield.

As you carried it, it carried your emotions.

As heavy as both were, you still stand.

A distant person see's you.

He is me and i am him.

Watching from a far, I got to know you.

I got to know your true beauty.

I fell hard after that and when i got up i was star struck.

I couldn't believe my eyes, you were right in front of me.

Me, too timid to express my real feelings.

You, as beautiful as ever.

As timid as i may be, I believe I can take the weight off your back.

All you need to do is erase the name off that shield.

When it rains i come to you because you provide me with shelter.

When the demons parade the land, i provide you with a certain type of security.

we both protect one another.

Were normal people with everyday lives.

We laugh together and we cry.

Emotions run strong.

I wish to be your shield on this long and paraless journey.

Too timid though, to express anything real.

Too shy, for if I lost you, I'd be out numbered.

How life fits

From Drop Box

It's like my life is a puzzle. As i grow older the pieces start to fall into place. Each puzzle with it's own adventure. I figure this can go one of two ways. When the puzzle is complete and the picture is displayed it can either be worth it or all for nothing. The picture you create in the end is up to you. Stick men or the Mona Lisa, Your choice. Don't let the pieces fall to loosely or you could lose a part of you and in the end the picture you create could be devastating. Remember, you create the pieces, while life puts them together.

Addicted

From Drop Box

Gaming I admit is a big part of my life and probably always will be but recently I've been pretty much bored with video games since about March. I'd play games like every blue moon from march till now. Ya sure I'll play them here or there but i would never really get into it like i use too. Although the reason i play games kind of stems from having a horrible life atm or if not horrible then a currently boring one. Lately I've thinking about the way i use to play video games and how i use to base my whole day around them. I use to wake up at 12 pm and play till 5 am. Also, back then i never really took care of my self seeing as hot pockets, chips and Mountain Dew pretty much ran my digestive track for about 5 years, probably why my acne was so bad. I've thought about it, from the way i use to play from the casual way i play now. People dream of being able to sit down and play video games all day but realistically that would get really boring to me. For me to actually feel well, i need to work out, eat healthy and socialize i can't be cramped up in my room all day, it just doesn't feel right. Anyway i casually play games now and have been for awhile and i prefer it this way. That way i can just have fun with both. I know a lot of people who have become addicts to the games and addicts to their surroundings. There are self help groups that deal with that sort of thing but when it really comes down to it, do you really need one? Seriously though, games are a major part of my life but in no means will i ever be caught ditching some one or somebody because I'm playing a game. In fact I'll pretty much quit whatever I'm doing to go help someone or hang out.Truth is people run away from their lives to play games, they escape in the world given to them by the developers. It doesn't help that it's also easy to get into it. To be honest, I'd rather live a life where i can socialize and meet people in person than just sit on a video game trying to fulfil my parents neglect. All in all when it comes down to it Video games are great master pieces of art. Many people work on a games including writers, artists, musicians, CG artists, People who write code and graphic designers. without all these people you can't create a video game. Not saying it's impossible but for it to create one but you need people who know this stuff. Video game developers aim to please the fans. What the fans don't realize is that they need to be responsible for their own actions and their own lives. Many people become addicts because they become incompetent and lazy, some times it's just easier than going outside. Countless people have committed suicide because of video game addiction, it's a growing problem. Which is why i will never let myself get too far like i once did. I'm not saying that before this year i played video games 24/7 i just mean that i will never let my self stupor in the low levels of real life again. When you truly realize your life means something to you, you'll stop and realize there are more important things in life. Just sayin, don't get to far or your lives that you've fantasized in a virtual world hyped full of desensitization and brutal annihilation will seem utterly amazing compared to your fickle existence of nothingness in this deep dark world of hurt, so dark that you can't fathom living alone with responsibility's of the every day lives of committed people. "Just sayin watch out for you, not your avatar".

Just like that

From Drop Box

and suddenly i feel better :D

Usefull to useless

From Drop Box

Inspirational, that was me on the verge of happiness

Motivational, was I that pushed the team and never looked back

twas I to inspire a motif of learning curves to better you.

It was me who wanted you to grow to your utmost potential.

I saw it happen before my eyes and you, you all became better than expected

Erected were these people of great spirit and energy.

People who believed in themselves because others believed in them.

We were united thanks to my and our efforts as a whole.

I watched you guys grow right under me and over the top of me.

No longer in my shadow you all stand tall before me.

In my face not afraid to say anything.

But it's great to know your on my level and above and have seen what I go through.

Grateful to know that you have surpassed the lessons I can give.

Now all there is is repetition and with that comes the spirit to live.

I can't wait to see you all on your own.

Right now though, I'm having trouble with inspiration.

I seem no longer to have that motivation.

I walk when I could be running and my brain lags back to last week.

Thinking of nothingness, it's like starting anew on my first day.

Like starting again all over.

The first week hurts like hell I know but I didn't realize it would last forever.

Motivation is key and without my inspiration there is none.

I've got nothing to look forward too to complete my goals.

I've lost hope and drowned in my wows

dragging on the floor is my soul.

So out of shape from the the eagerness it use to receive.

So tired from the life it has to lead.

Every day I find something to not care about in a new way.

This anger that I have is dissipating.

I'm only waiting to let it go.

Through the views of myself I've learned so much.

Through this though I've learned that I'd rather not know.

I've lost it all in this mind I call Casey.

I've lost the ball as my mind starts to go crazy.

It's ridiculous how much people can hate, well that's not me.

My question is, “what's the point”?

Seriously now what's the point my dad lived his life and had me and from then on it was a downfall.

I was an accident like most of my generation but really looking at my dads life now and asking that question.

It's depressing, it's depressing because there is none. My dad could die and the only ones who'd care are his family.

We could all go to hell and the only ones who'd care are ourselves.

Our minds could fry and we could all become retarded and nobody would care.

Everybody in this world could disappear and nobody from any other would ever remember.

A man dies in a war, berried with his dog tags, they never knew his name.

No one cares.

I fight my heart out and have a whole team to back myself with and the inspiration isn't there.

It's just not there.

I could run a thousand miles with shin splints, nobody would care.

Could live to be a 100...

you get the idea.

What's the point?

I'm sick and tired of getting blamed for a lot of things.

I'm tired of dealing with every little thing.

I want to be out on my own and take care of my self and maybe one other person but not everybody else.

I want to live my life how I want to live it, but there's that question, “ what's the point”?

People mourn death every day, well they might as well mourn birth too because they're both inevitable.

Ridiculous is life and all it's shambles.

Every corner you turn, a punch in the face.

Every good dead you do doesn't matter.

Dog eat dog world.

Amazing how we all can even live our lives.

The thought of breathing in itself is, I don't know, everything that lives breathes, but whats the point of living.

I just don't know.

Living a lie just seems better than understanding the truth.

That's the world we live in.

that's the world I hate.

To live in such a cozy existence, it's not plausible, nothings plausible.

The world we live in is a sham.

We shouldn't exist, there's no point.

God help me, if I knew there was one I'd be able to believe in something other than this metaphorical way of life.

How could we all be so useless.

Or is it just me, the one who thinks of these petty ideas and preaches nothing of it.

Or is it I who can stand to be a hypocrite no longer.

I wish not to know the meaning of life for there would be no point.

I wish to find the meaning of mine.

Life.

Like my father, I love him so much but it seems the only reason he existed was to have me.

The reason I say this is because since I've left him, he's done nothing with himself.

He doesn't call, he doesn't care about himself, he just willows in the hatred at what use to be.

That is why I asked the question, “what's the point”?

My worst fear is that I will become like him.

Sad, sorry, and a wallowing lump on society.

I wish not to be him, for he has nothing he wouldn't wish for.

Everybody around me, some have it better, others have it worse.

I just don't see the point.

I've lost that sparkle in my eye.

To myself I am nothingness.

I am a shadow of what was once a child with a purpose, but now, there is nothing.

For I will forever be the paper you write on

when you think of something familiar to me, my name is not what comes to mind.

I am the background of which your favorite characters run upon.

I am the desk you sit at every day.

The cup holder you use without thought.

I am the one that never comes to mind.

A ghost.

I do not haunt you, i don't disturb.

I just watch this world as it turns itself inward.

It's hard when you know what you want to do, but know that you don't have the freedom to do it.

It just makes you question.

I wish I was better than what I am because it feels like nobodie believes in me.