Weary, I soar.

Weary, I have fallen many times but never have I not been able to get up. It is almost my birthday, yet I choose to let it pass as if it does not concern me. I am vulnerable and confused, much like anyone else my age. I jump to so many decisions; I just don’t know what I should do with my life. There are so many choices, so much to do.

I have fallen into a rut of luxury. I wish to get out but comfort, like a snake luring eve, i am tricked. To be honest, I wish to travel the world, have an adventure of my own. Too many times have I played many games and read many books, I want to not only feel adventure but live it. Too much have I sat in this chair of defeat and luxury. It has made me weak for the world. For I am afraid of thought, afraid of learning and afraid of losing what I already know.

I have contemplated much suicide but it does not do my soul justice. I do not want to die in ignorance of this world. I do not want to see the end, for this should bring my current journey to a close. Finding myself is my destiny. I have already found how to love, how to indulge and how to hate. For these are what guilty pleasures are made of. This paper is running out of lines but I will not stop until my conclusion has arrived. I have indulged in the pleasures of love and hate with selfishness in mind.

I am young, “You stand while we sit, you still have the energy”. My coach would say. So I stood, I stood proud, strong and with others in mind. But since then I have failed to stand up. Too often have I been blessed with comfort, I want to stand. I want to feel my legs again I want to brace my arms as I’m flying through the air. I just wish to feel alive again, I’ve been dead for so long. My selfishness has overwhelmed me. I am insensitive to those who choose paths that are not like my own. I get angry when confronted with a challenge and worst of all, I refuse to change.

Life as I sit back on it doesn’t stop. It flows until it reaches the ocean. For me to reach the ocean I must unblock this path of thorns and try to escape the evils of society. Though I must use society to my advantages, only then can I reach the ocean. But I have said that too much and now is the time to choose which sewer will lead me to enlightenment. I am afraid, deathly afraid of what path I should take because in this analogy I’d rather not become societies drinking water, cornered into a 9 to 5 existence.

All in all, I wish to find what path I’m looking for. To do so I must stand and this time my friends cannot help me, because I need to learn what it’s like on my own again. In my life I have truly only chosen one thing, that decision lead me to rise above and become known as a leader. Once you go where nobody knows you, you begin to think back on those choices and the happiness that had occurred. I have not stood in four years, I was lifted so I could see what I strive for. As I’m being dropped, I must learn to fly. I must learn to face death, my fears and I must banish the thought of losing my knowledge. This is just the start, I’ve learned how to fall, so when will I start flying?

son and shade.

A simple poem lies in the wakes of those who conquer only speech.

Those who truly think, think vividly.

Like ice in the blazed morn of mid afternoon.

My heart melts like a heart felt letter.

By the time blue skies pass and the stars scream of their most interesting adventures.

The light has already passed..

A shadow i have become, beyond the shadows son.

Life with all its blues and greens paints only the blues with me...

The yellows that scream needs, far-fetched the red bleeds.

Off the couch i hallucinate dreams of virtue.

I trip mad science while I breathe dust.

Till the light comes and the day seizes me.

I breathe.

What life has done to me.

EDIT: i'd like to point out that now that i read this over, it's a little too over the top and isn't my best work. haha

Warning, Cuss words and abusive phrases follow.

As sad as one can be.

I, am my own enemy.

I fall asleep to awake late to my day.

I try to slumber but my eyes, open they stay.

When dreaming, stress condemns me, my life offends me.

I chase a high that doesn't exist.

One you couldn't understand let alone get the jist.

I've got a fucking problem.

It's what I see.

What I perceive to be me.

worse than them.

I see reality as it convicts me and continues to restrict me from the way I wanna be.

Addicting, the high I chase.

That golden serenity, that feeling, a base.

The building tall, lined with padded walls.

Cliff jumpin, Splish splash, music Bumpin.

My mind like a merrygoround horses blitzin.

My face blitzed in.

My future as speed racer till the smack requires a pace maker.

Dreams, hopes, idols, heroes and gods.

Little boys screaming cross world playin COD.

My life's a reality, not a game, no joke.

So fucken step outa me, go home, get choked.

The true passion revolves around desperate times.

Thoughts of suicide, you master through desperate rhymes.

'Cause you ain't playin around.

Cussin and rhyming so you don't end up a ditch in the ground.

So get lost punk and leave me be.

I'll fucken crack your neck open and make you bleed.

Back up, step up, shut up, 'cause your life means nothing to me.

Now the real heart shows, the man with bow and arrows.

Real lives shatter, real blood spatter.

You think your tough cause you can rhyme "Me" with "Soliloquy"? well guess what, you just met the best part of me.

The fucking god damn art of me, the heart of me.

so sit down and relax while i relapse and cure my mind.

No! fuck you spine. that delicious taste that made our race hate us.

Now step back and relax son, " Tip the needle" watch daddy do how it's done.

You tired yet?

Live life real to the feel of my finger tips.

Blood, sweat, tears, poor through these whores lips.

Crooked smiles, nothin but a dial tone.

The sound you hear as eggs go over easy.

Thats right bitch get down and please me.

Another record yet won. Say what, rap is done?

Fuck ya'll niggas who think you got talent.

Ask yourself who your doing it for, you fucking gallant.

I do this shit for me because it keeps me alive.

Because depression eats me alive.

A walking shadow is how I feel, So step back and kneel.

Get mad, you million dollar sell outs.
Everybody using lady gagas coke inspired talentless dreams and Tpains octaves as bail outs.

Find your own shit or produce something new.

Take a chance on a nigga who's still foolproof.

Don't take the hollywood way, which destroys it's own genre through creating a childs macrame.

Step up be loud get your voices Heard!

Or this world we live in will always be obsured.

As sad as one can be.

I, am my own enemy.

ARGH!

Argh argh agh argh!!!!! Life you better figure your self out!

In other news " stop the world, im getting off here "

ugh, life. how not to endure...

Car broke down today, needs a new fuel pump. there goes $300.

anyway grandmas letting me borrow hers, bless her soul. thank you grandma !! :D

defeat

There is only so much sympathy in the world, after all some times you just need to suck it up and move on. Live your life the way it was intended to be and become a proud member of society. Stop living to receive and become a part of this, Believe.

Man, Honest 4/26

Not in the mood.

Reasons for reason.

The treason bestowed.

The life we owed.

Humble regrets.

Technical fowls.

Modest bets on not so wise owls.

So why pitch this idea to me?

As if its the key.

To lead one on.

I fear to be gone.

Hope lasts, regrets gleaming.

Only myself you see me being.

I cannot change, have not changed.

I will not show and will not go.

So why doth the wind just blow?

How cursed are the marks and scars?

How beloved are our things and cars?

Why must we provide a cushion beneath our psyche?

To convince people that they need these things to " like me "

Unheard of consumerism lasts as far as we will go.

Lost sanctums, indigenous capitalism cities raised, now low.

The eras lost between time.

Only what is left is not mine.

For possession of and mine you will never be.

But only on your own you may claim me.

I must comply for then we'd be each others.

To raise one of us, just like our mothers.

summer thoughts in winter

4/20/10

As simple as the wind

Attributes scathed, riots paved

Laminant cards, sun gleams fresh glare

Color rich, vibrant waves dance against the sky

Blue dye cast, blue sky vast

Winter shuns the warm ones

Light turned to fog, shallow rays, clouds condemning

do frozen, sounds beneath your feet

Pause of deliberation before they meet

step on, fence posts snow shaved high

Breath before you lingers, hands cold

Dull motion and crystallized trees

zapped color, a cold breeze

autumn before this, good bye spring leaves

as simple as the wind

attributes scathed, riots unpaved

lush green fields of blue grass in november

year round the town i lived in was a town to remember

flat tire raised along with bonfire sheraids

The smoke high, sun glistening

you can touch the sky keep listening

oak trees climb the blue

looking over them i've said good bye

Thoughts, contemptuous rampage of beautiful reality

our reality

as simple as the wind

Laminant cards, sun gleams fresh glare.

All i've ever been

i guess the reason i drag my feet so much is because i realized long ago that nobody cares about what i do

which is why i can get away with so much

the only reason i did good last year

was because i was doing it to stick with my friends

and become part of something

and now that im part of it

the motivation is gone

and the will for me to succeed has ceased to exist

i've driven myself into a hole...

i miss this

From Drop Box