wishing never wishes.

From Drop Box

I don't really have anything inspirational to say but I do want to post something at least once in the month of October. I've been pretty melodramatic lately but it's all in good health. I've been able to write some pretty neat stuff while experiencing a lot of pain. Having reread everything I've done always cheers me up because I am able to learn more about myself. Lately I've been playing a lot of guitar, not just because of guitar class but because I want to learn how to sing and play at the same time. I've been pretty good so far, working with how to sing and what not. It's pretty challenging but I have found a voice that nobody would believe is my own. It sounds pretty nice but it's hard to sing like that after awhile so I go back to doing a normal tone. Lifes been good to me so far, learning new things and figuring out what I want to accomplish is an every day goal of mine. Just yesterday I was reminded why I wanted to be a chiropractor. It's amazing how fast we forget things and how slow we are to remember them.

Just the other day I watched a home movie of myself at the age of three tearing open presents on Christmas day. Watching this video of me and my three sisters made my eyes water. To realize how young I had once been and how old I have become made me think of how much we miss during our childhoods. While watching the videos I was able to catch something I hadn't seen in about 8 years. I was able to spot my fathers happiness for the first time in almost 8 years in an old home video. My father has pretty much descended in happiness, while the black mold of depression creeps through him, I grow older. I haven't seen my dad happy in such a long time, I burst into tears the minute I saw my dads face on the screen. I miss that, my dads smile and his attitude. Ever since I left it's like he's given up all hope to ever amount to anything. Which is why I can't believe how he could have ever ended up like this. Watching myself on this video being the age of three made me imagine my dad at that age, how happy he must have been. To compare him from that age to the age he is now would be impossible. It's hard to imagine that a once smiling and fun filled happy child is now a father of one and never calls. Not to say he's lazy, he took care of me until I was about fourteen and then I went away. Though, the calling is true, I'd be better off wishing pigs could fly.