waking at dawn

I miss the time's where I'd stare at the endless sea.
Information and curiosity.
The search was never ending and you never knew what you were looking for.
All you knew was you wanted more.

A lot has happened since then.
A simple time with like minded friends.

Something that came across easily, something that stayed.
The friends that never left were the true friends I made.

Waking at dusk to see the nautical twilight.
Eye's open, the perfect night.

Music subtle and surrounding.
Light scrolling passed, astounding.

Friends always on, people everywhere.

I miss the time's where I'd stare at the endless sea.
A wonderful time for information and curiosity.

A time in which I had time.

Closed up

I don't know what to say anymore.

want

You can see that I'm hurting. But rather than sticking with me through my pain.You walk away and assume I'm too busy to help you. God help me, it's crippling.

Too tired to remember.

Nothing describes how empty I feel when I'm alone. Nothing compares how soulless I feel when your with me. Hollow is how I would describe me. It's like a pit at the top of my stomach. only able to feel the edges of the abyss that is my conscious being. Frustration builds inside. The doubt carries. The cold draft that kisses you, never leaves. Making it unbearable. Tears, A well of sorrows. Hiding waves of emotion. Uncontrollable emotion. Never let it out. Never be who you are. They refuse to understand. Or  so I think. Or so I'll always believe.

Always, alone. Resting inside my head. I'm tired. I've thought this for so long. I always wondered why but I always pushed on. I pushed my body beyond it's limits and learned what it was to be a man. I pushed my mind to ignore feeling, both emotional and pain. I pushed my self so hard that I got lost. Then I remembered that I was tired. Then I found myself again. This is when I gave up. I gave up long before I left. I gave up after I destroyed myself. Then I just lived. Trying to understand why I was tired. trying to figure out what I was tired of or who. But I think I finally understand now. What I'm tired of, is life. The single act of living pains me. Breathing day in and day out. Just being just to be. I don't think I could put more people on this earth. What a terrible thing that would be. How awful. To let someone be born. to let someone live.

But. There are always two sides to everything. Because when I don't remember that I'm tired. That's when I know that I am happy. That's when I know, that I'm being me without knowing it. Life's complicated and I hate that. Some times I get tired. It's what I do when I don't remember that. That's me. These days though, the thought never leaves me. No matter how much sleep I get, I push on because the people around me. They are what help me forget.

This feeling will never leave. But I've slowly learned to be adequate at pushing it away. I just happen to push away those who love me as well. This curse will never go away. Maybe some day, I will finally, truly understand. Life.

English

You say you can read, yet you don't understand what's its saying.
You say you understand but hardly think about what its conveying.

Countless messages you've seen, not one applicable.
Pick one please, let it resonate or you're despicable.

Yet the light shines in your eyes as you, "ooo" and "aww"
You let the internet take you, it's every bodies flaw.

You skim articles for paragraphs and those for titles.

At glance you can tell, it's not instant gratification.

So you click next.

You say you can read, yet you don't understand what's its saying.
You say you understand but hardly think about what its conveying.

Countless messages you've seen, not one applicable.
Pick one please, let it resonate or you're despicable.

Yet the light shines in your eyes as you, "ooo" and "aww"
You let the internet take you, it's every bodies flaw.

You skim articles for paragraphs and those for titles.

At glance you can tell, it's not instant gratification.

So you click next.

You say you can read, yet you don't understand what's its saying.
You say you understand but hardly think about what its conveying.

Countless messages you've seen, not one applicable.
Pick one please, let it resonate or you're despicable.

Yet the light shines in your eyes as you, "ooo" and "aww"
You let the internet take you, it's every bodies flaw.

You skim articles for paragraphs and those for titles.

At glance you can tell, it's not instant gratification.

So you click next.

But next brings you no where and time has past.
How long will we do this, "oh look, that was fast!" 

So you click next.