Today was a good day

Taylor and I helped our Boss put up Christmas lights today. It was pretty fun but took us about 6 hours to do. haha!

Anyway I wrote some new stuff.

Followers to prescription

Crossing scenes.

Crossing Dreams.

How the sky melds.

How the thunder welds.

The lightening, violent Red.

The sunset of the rising Dead.

Shadows of the lost.

To what end and what cost?

We, are gods.

Your heads nods.

Society doesn't believe me.

Religious followers and scientists try to deceive me.

I don't bite the hook I just use the bait.

People these days just don't understand fate.

We live longer than all other beings.

Instead of us rising you see us kneeing.

The only organism able to consciously create.

That is why were gods, this is why it's fate.

So believe what you must and think what you will.

Just remember we are the ones who created the pill.

We are gods as perfect description.

It says so in each bottled prescription.

Believe me.

Your head nods.

Thank you.

- Thoughts

I get the idea that when you look at me that you know too much about me. I get the idea when you look at me you know something about me that i don't.When alone you stare deep into me as if you know the sins I've committed. As if you have the most sacred of secrets of hate for me. Passing through, you never acknowledge me nor even glance in my direction. You never say hi and when our eyes meet you feel awkward and look away without even a grin. You wonder why we've spread so thin when you act like you do. It feels as if you harbor hatred towards me that is not your own. How can i call you a friend when you Cease to see me. How can you act like my friend around others perfectly but alone you can't see me. As if I'm only alive when I'm with others. I don't expect a hug everyday or a hello or even an apology. But when our eyes meet you could at least smile to let me know you know me. that would be the least you could do. If not then there is no longer a friendship between us.

Jobs

when you have one, every day feels like thursday and sunday.

What makes one sane?

I've been struggling finding what i once had and seem to have a grasp again as to what it was that i lost. Let me start off by saying Yes i've thought of every possible outcome that someone could possibly die but after watching "Ninja Assassin" on Thursday i now know about 100 more... O.O

Anyway in all seriousness I've been stuck some where on a distant planet looking up at the stars wondering how i came to be. Not how i was born, but how my mindset and moral skills and attributes actually accumulated. I tried to think back when i was young and thought of what i use to think. I remember thinking things i would never have thought in my on mind right now, so how did i become like me? That's a tough question i can't can't answer, but that wont stop me from searching, or should it? My mind lately hasn't been level with everyone else and i've been thinking things that nobody would suspect me thinking. Hmmm, to think, what does this mean? Thinking is described as having Rational thought and Reason, but what i think doesn't always apply to that. Does this mean that im not thinking? No, because thought it also a belief or opinion, whether it has reason or not does not matter. Why do i bring this up? I bring this up because my thoughts have always terrified me. I think of the worst possible thing that could happen, that's how my thought process goes. Yet, you could also say i think the exact opposite of this because i think both happy and thoughts despair. This is why my thoughts scare me because i never know whether to cling to what i know or to cling to what others know. In fact, that thought of me being scared of my thoughts is something that i wouldn't normally say is true. I say that because i've overcome many of my fears. This leads us to emotion. Emotions are complicated. When thought about, are the basis of everything you do. Fear is something that can make or break you. Isn't that odd? Fear itself if overcome, can make you greater than you already are but when running with that fear you are weak. Emotions are complicated. Your brain chooses whether to be happy or sad no, you choose whether you are happy or sad. Since your mind has the power to choose emotion why does it cower with depression? The most unexplainable of all emotions. You can be happy and depressed, you can enjoy what you do everyday and be depressed. So what is with this emotion that kills the human spirit? what is with this power that makes many like myself think thoughts of sorrow, despair, anger and defeat or more or less Suicide or any escape from reality itself.

Here's something interesting, Reality. What i understand as reality is the hardship of what one does everyday. Although when i experience something other than my on way of life, lets say someone who lives on the streets. Their Reality is in fact not my Reality but a Reality and for me to see this makes our realities a reality, or does it? Reality is what's real. What if, you don't think of what's real around and you go about your life never wondering or comprehending the meaning of reality. Then that is your reality. It's what you perceive as significant even if you don't, that is reality. Now what makes one Sane?

Being Sane is Defined by others by what reality they see you in. Or is it? Insanity. To lose your mind in thought and never grasp thought as you once did. That is what i believe to be insanity. I've never reached this because this is what i believe to be insanity, that is my mental line. I may think and be as crazy and insane as i want but as long as i don't cross that thresh hold, to me i am sane. To the open world, not so much. That is how i know myself, by never crossing that line.

Now that i have my babbling out of the way, i've regained a part of myself i once lost. Or at least im on the verge of hanging on to it finally. What it was that made me so down before is still live and kicking but each and every day i seem to have the upper hand.

Today feels like a sunday cause i work tomorrow. I Enjoy work as much as i can because i wouldn't want to not impress my manager.

PEACE!

What an Awesome day

So i was stressing the entire day before work and even when i slept last night i had dreamed about work. My anxiety and stress were killing me because the work i did yesterday.

The minute i got to work, the manager stepped up and said that she had pulled too much money from my till. A huge smile went across my face and the stress lifted. That meant that i was only 6 cents over, which isn't that bad. So today i added an extra $10 to my till and at the end of the day i had a perfect count of everything. I didn't screw up at all.

Thank god! i never realized how stressed i could get before this. >,<

Work

Stress, $10 short of my till was not the best way to start my new job. Now im freaking out and im nervous to even go to work. Why do i feel so damn stressful right now, i can't even choose the right tie. all i can wish for is that i hope i don't get fired and that i hope i can do better today.

Say what?

From Drop Box

Thoughts unwinding, conceited

My brain reckless, defeated

The sun beats down on me like a thousand critics.

Eyes closed, too bright, too many heretics.

Dogma, conceited allies repent with fake alibi's.

The world shattered in lies, everybody cries.

Eyes open easily, the darkness welcoming feasibly.

The people, my mind, how it seems so confined.

In the light i control my own actions, but the rays weigh heavy.

With the blight upon my mind two doors leavy.

Which truth will i pick and which door will I fall through?

Or will I ever begin to love you?

Choice isn't an option.

Free falling acrobatics, through hoops I go, oh no!

Coming closer i realize there's a key hole and splat I go.

This is why i hope to fly forever.

Although i do eventually want to know.

Candy and ice cream

Both can make your mouth hurt, but they're both soooooo good. Anyway i've been hurten for awhile. Big ups and big downs. Work is kind of motivating, it seems to be working, i start tomorrow.In a small way i really regret not doing sports this winter. It feels as if this year the sports teams i could be joining are actually going to win something. Oh well soon enough i'll be enjoying what i really want to do.

yup

Great! there's nothing like a push back down to the bottom after I've already climbed to the top...

Friday The 13th

From Drop Box

Ironically this is now my favorite day of any month, but only if it's on a Friday. I took the drive test and got an 88 on it, which is passing. Then after that I went in to RiteAid for an Interview and NAILED IT, I got the job! Today has been awesome! Maybe not the best day i've ever had ever, but pretty damn close to it :D Now I'm off to go to a huge over the night car show with BREAKFAST YUM!!!

Peace! and I love you all for the constant Inspiration and care :D

PASSED

I passed with an 88 YEAH!

Doing good

I got called by RiteAid today. I took a phone test and now I have an interview with them at 4 O'clock pm. Before this though, I'm taking my drive test, WISH ME LUCK :D!!

My dads Bday

It was my dads birthday today, I don't even know how old he is. I wish one day to give my dad everything he wants, but until them all i can do is wish him happy birthday. So, Happy Birthday dad I love you :D.

Pressure

Again I got something that told me what to do. I got a fortune cookie today that says " Seek out significance of your problem at this time. Try to understand". Nothing like a good fortune cookie. I just, still don't know.

do it.

So I wrote a poem today, not knowing what it said. when I was finished I put it in my bag and didn't read it until later today. I was kind of star struck at what I had said in this poem. I literally answered my own problem without even knowing. It was surprising to say the least but I don't know if can do what the poem told me to do. I just don't know.

So ...

so apparently I've become a profession at digging my self the deepest holes imaginable and falling in them. Just the way it is with everything.

Unsound, mind rotten

From Drop Box

Wrote this Last week in class while ignoring the teacher when she spoke of John Donne the poet.

In my mind I've been skipping class.

Physical sentences whiplash.

The ability to care is as thin as air.

There's no improving, my life is a nightmare.

I see my future very clearly.

I see what my family means to me so dearly.

Or, I don't

This shadow haunts my being.

It controls whatever I'm seeing.

I do not know why i have been given a cloud.

Ever since it's rained many days along with thunder, Loud.

My mind seeks forgiveness and well being.

but it's under the control of a shadow, always fleeing.

Thus the curse of light.

I may never know light again if this cloud hangs forever.

I may never shake it, for I am not that clever.

I wish to do well and i wish i hadn't lied.

For right now I fear the inside of me has died.

unrelenting hold, wont you let go?

Things would be so much easier if you didn't hang so low.

It's in my eyes they fill with darkness.

I have lost my soul.

It is something it stole.

I have lost my way.

I do not know the meaning of enjoying a day.

I have forgotten my mind.

I have lost it and soon may never find.

I need help, obviously.

With no path means no obligation.

So i will sit until i rise to seek investigation.

I will wait to be saved.

But it will be too late if my path is already paved.

Life, why are you so senseless.

You make me and everyone else Defenseless.

I Need Motivation.

Should or Shant that is the Question

From Drop Box

Dear friends who'm greet me with great respect.

Will you think less of me if i recollect?

How about if I never tell?

How then, will you know I fell?

In what way is my choice wrong?

Is it because it's almost dawn?

For it to be too late or too early,

I must know if you think Surely.

The path already taken.

Is there a way or am I mistaken?

Can I breathe smoke so clear?

Can I not live in fear?

In what way shall I commence the destruction,

and how with this deduction?

Will I become like the ones you see?

No, no, I cannot break the foundation of me.

My will is too sound.

In a way I have found.

Maybe, maybe, just a way,

to stay stable long enough to pay.

oh what are my choices with relaxation?

It's like every part of me, pressed with taxation.

Shall I not fear of what others think?

Or Shall I care about everything with every blink?

Stress reliever, pain reducer.

Sounds a bit like you sir.

May I have my mind, no?

oh? Is it my head you stole?

No? Is it my heart in whole?

woh. It is infact my will.

Will without motivation and motivation without will.

I want it back.

I wish to ask nicely

But that would be unwise of me.

Seeing as that you are a god, a mad hatter.

You will never give back what you've taken through the means of others.

Nor will you reply to the beliefs of mothers.

Hear them cry as you will, for you are as cynical as we.

Except you may never know the pain of me.

I am different and do what I believe.

So when I make decisions, instead of looking up.

I look through what you foolishly gave us.

I look through the mind you've stolen and the heart you've crushed along through my eyes you've blinded to veer us so that you may jeer us as we walk foolishly through a dark room with a door that has no knob. You disgrace us with the thought of personality and the mention of spirituality, but those who believe do not deal with the situations I have and that you've bestowed.

Should I or Shant?

That is the question.