been there done tha...

So i've created a world and i need to keep it alive but before i can begin on what i've started i need to put and end to what i've become accustomed to. I've grown and prepared myself to be upfront and to be in the situation. But lately i've been turning my back on reality and delving into what i love to escape in. I use to use what ever means to escape and though back then i was forced out into the light where i would often stay, it's different now. Now i wish to stay away lock myself inside and wait for tragedies to pass over. I want to fulfill my promise to myself and others but i'm so locked away, and i like it. I want to find balance in what i've become. I want to experience life but on my terms. But i need to learn how to change my terms into something more of who i want to be and what i really want to do. I said before i've created a world and it's up to me to keep it alive. it's been 3 days since i put pen to paper and i've almost forgot about it. I can't forget because this world is what defines my imagination currently. It's what's giving me hope that i can change and that i can become something greater. For years i've played the same tune and wrote the same words and copied my own lyrics. But this new world is something different. My imagination has grown, it's soaring through what i've known and flipping it upside down. My inspiration is from a dream, because there i have the most vivid of memories and adventures. I often have nightmares that i'm no longer afraid of but go the distance to go too far and yet, i awake with happiness. I often dream, i often see things no one else can imagine, i can smell it, feel it, and caress the wonderful colors around me and yet they soon enough drift away as i awake. There's more to unlocking my imagination but i need to explore what its given me for if i don't it will become lost forever. I need to change my habits to a more constructed life style. I need to get a hold of myself and realize what i've done and what i should be doing. For too long i've been lost in the imagination of others playing games and reading books. But now, now is the time i wish to perform the same addictive act upon so many. I wish to delve you into the world i've created, i want you to love it, hate it, cherish it, and weep at it. I want you to enjoy it with every emotion you have and i want you to be the most distraught you've ever been but when you read that last page i want tears of joy to fall from your eyes. I want you to thoroughly engage yourself and open up. I want you to believe what i've written and i want you to want me to write it. Help me, love you.