Anyway in all seriousness I've been stuck some where on a distant planet looking up at the stars wondering how i came to be. Not how i was born, but how my mindset and moral skills and attributes actually accumulated. I tried to think back when i was young and thought of what i use to think. I remember thinking things i would never have thought in my on mind right now, so how did i become like me? That's a tough question i can't can't answer, but that wont stop me from searching, or should it? My mind lately hasn't been level with everyone else and i've been thinking things that nobody would suspect me thinking. Hmmm, to think, what does this mean? Thinking is described as having Rational thought and Reason, but what i think doesn't always apply to that. Does this mean that im not thinking? No, because thought it also a belief or opinion, whether it has reason or not does not matter. Why do i bring this up? I bring this up because my thoughts have always terrified me. I think of the worst possible thing that could happen, that's how my thought process goes. Yet, you could also say i think the exact opposite of this because i think both happy and thoughts despair. This is why my thoughts scare me because i never know whether to cling to what i know or to cling to what others know. In fact, that thought of me being scared of my thoughts is something that i wouldn't normally say is true. I say that because i've overcome many of my fears. This leads us to emotion. Emotions are complicated. When thought about, are the basis of everything you do. Fear is something that can make or break you. Isn't that odd? Fear itself if overcome, can make you greater than you already are but when running with that fear you are weak. Emotions are complicated. Your brain chooses whether to be happy or sad no, you choose whether you are happy or sad. Since your mind has the power to choose emotion why does it cower with depression? The most unexplainable of all emotions. You can be happy and depressed, you can enjoy what you do everyday and be depressed. So what is with this emotion that kills the human spirit? what is with this power that makes many like myself think thoughts of sorrow, despair, anger and defeat or more or less Suicide or any escape from reality itself.
Here's something interesting, Reality. What i understand as reality is the hardship of what one does everyday. Although when i experience something other than my on way of life, lets say someone who lives on the streets. Their Reality is in fact not my Reality but a Reality and for me to see this makes our realities a reality, or does it? Reality is what's real. What if, you don't think of what's real around and you go about your life never wondering or comprehending the meaning of reality. Then that is your reality. It's what you perceive as significant even if you don't, that is reality. Now what makes one Sane?
Being Sane is Defined by others by what reality they see you in. Or is it? Insanity. To lose your mind in thought and never grasp thought as you once did. That is what i believe to be insanity. I've never reached this because this is what i believe to be insanity, that is my mental line. I may think and be as crazy and insane as i want but as long as i don't cross that thresh hold, to me i am sane. To the open world, not so much. That is how i know myself, by never crossing that line.
Now that i have my babbling out of the way, i've regained a part of myself i once lost. Or at least im on the verge of hanging on to it finally. What it was that made me so down before is still live and kicking but each and every day i seem to have the upper hand.
Today feels like a sunday cause i work tomorrow. I Enjoy work as much as i can because i wouldn't want to not impress my manager.
PEACE!
1 comment:
I'm glad you're regaining that part of yourself little bro. I think you're awesome.
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