I love you man

From Drop Box

Life happens faster than I could ever imagine. I still remember the times when I would play with legos and spend the night at friends houses just so we could have the roughest pillow fights you've ever seen in your life. I was reminded of how good I had it before I actually moved. I had close friends and in lived in a small town, I knew everyone and everyone knew me. It's just how it was, happy times. I remember playing with my little action figures with my father during Christmas morning when I was 5. I remember the way he tought me how to make paper air planes. I remember the cruddy apartments we lived in before we actually moved to that small town I spoke of. When I was little, I was an out doorsy kid, I went to the river almost every day and had a blast. I skated, biked, walked and went everywhere. I had a meal every night waiting for me and my dad had a good stable job. I always got what I really wanted and when I didn't it was no sweat because I was happy with what I had. Sitting through detention was the slowest thing I've ever been through and now that I'm older I kind of wish I would have spent some more time enjoying what I once had.

The past couple of weeks have gone by so quickly that this is the first day I've actually sat and thought a lot of things through. I thought about what I've been through, the connections I've made and the friends that I've had. I had a very happy childhood, I didn't even notice how much I would miss it. My friend Levi is my best friend, we use to do everything together, then I left. I left him because I was afraid of what would become of me if I had stayed. I left him with all those fake and hollow people he called friends. When I left I think a part of him left too. After I was gone he just went out of control and then he really went out of my life. For about 2 years I didn't see my best friend, it made me adjust to the friends I was acquiring through high school but I never forgot him. I sent him some letters and I talked to him on the phone. I said hollow friends before because I was the only one who cared enough to contact him while he was in a boys home. Truthfully I was the only one his parents ever trusted. Me and Levi, were true brothers and I miss that.

Missing someone isn't easy or hard, it just feels like a piece of you is missing and every time you think about it you get a little sad. My best friend came back finally last year. Within that year though he did great things. He got out and did sports, got good grades and found a musical soulfull side of him that I never knew existed. We connected in new ways and we're still close, but we still never see each other, or call. Now he is in the same drug slump he was before he went to the boys home. I don't want to be his parents and yell at him for what he's doing, I also don't want to tell him what to do, but so far what I have told him is that I love him and that I don't agree with the decisions that he's made. I told him I was once proud of him, but now were drifting apart because he can't control his urges to be on top of any outcome, he's beginning to lose his head. I'm always there for him no matter what through anything, I've been there.

He almost died last week. For me to hear that scares the hell out of me, it stresses me to the core. I can't imagine life without him, he's my exact opposite yin and yang but we have so much in common at the same time. It sucks because there's nothing I can do besides be his friend and support him. I can give him advice that he will gradually listen too, but it's hard when you live this far away. I'm just afraid that I could actually lose my best friend. If I ever did it would surely effect me greater than any loss I have ever had before. I'd lose a part of me, half my memories are his and his are mine, they could be lost. The stories I tell have two sides and if you laughed at one, you've got to hear the other. Anyway my best friend has dropped out of high school and is now in the search for a job, a job in which I hope he finds. I've given him advice since we last spoke but I know it will falter under the pressure of the passers by who willingly share the drug. I miss my best friend man, I want the old days back where fixing bikes, skateboards and wrestling each other to the ground while his dad walks in and stares at us until we stop, when we do he then makes a very classic remark, “ dumb asses”.

Levi, I love you man.